I’m just saying friendship is one of the keys to long lasting relationships. You could be missing out on a lifetime of HIS goodness just because you have placed one too many people in the “Friend Zone!” Take another look.
I say HIS goodness because every good gift comes from God. If you have ever experienced or seen a miserable relationship, then you should know how much a GIFT it is having a spouse who is also your friend. You are going to spend your life with this person so be picky. That’s smart but don’t exclude the qualities that are important.
Let me tell you what a friend is. I would think that I would not have to do that, but I’ve spoken to too many people and I know, a lot of you have NO IDEA what a friend is. That sounds harsh but it’s the truth in my experiences.
When we are very young a “friend” is anyone we are playing near or with. However, by the time we reach our emerging adult years a friend is someone we can confide in and share thoughts we do not share with others. We can share these thoughts because we trust them to keep our secrets. Friends help you solve problems, they are the ones we are emotionally connected to and they are accepting of our unique ways. Ultimately a friend is concerned about our well-being and happiness.
Some of you are dating people you would not even consider to be your friend. I am shaking my head right now because I know it is true. Some of you have become physically intimate with someone you cannot even trust with the secrets of your heart, but you have decided to trust them with the secret treasure called you. Do not get me wrong, I think you should wait until marriage to be physically intimate with your spouse, but the reality is many will not.
So why are people placed in the “friend zone?” The reasons vary: a) he may not be physically attractive, b) he may have a very different worldview, c) you’ve seen the trail of broken hearts in his wake, d) he feels like one of “the girls,” e) you could never bring his saggy pants home to mom or dad, f) he’s not motivated, code for no job and not looking. Okay there are some legitimate reasons for placing some of your guy friends in the “friend zone.” However, for some of you none of the reasons listed above apply. So, what’s up with you? Mmhmmm, I said it! Perhaps you should just take another look and reevaluate.
Here are some Hope Keys for those of you with guys in the “Friend Zone”
1. Continue to cultivate your friendship. Friends are so important to our well-being. It is important to nurture your friendships. You do that by spending time together and doing life together. So, enjoy your friends, they are a gift.
2. Determine what you want. You must have a destination before you begin the journey. If you live in PA and are traveling to New York and you see a sign for Virginia, you know you’re headed in the wrong direction. I think you should have a destination for a future spouse. Basically, I mean you should have an idea of the type of person and the characteristics you would want for your spouse to have. Write this down. So, if you meet someone who does not meet those characteristics you will know to turn around because you’re headed in the wrong direction. The problem for some is not seeing anyone in your surroundings with the characteristics that you really wish for.
3. So Get out there. The Lord can do anything but maybe you can get out of your bathrobe and slippers after work and actually go do something other than laying on your bed looking at social media. I know, you’re tired. I understand but if you’re that tired then I advise you to get some vitamins baby and get your strength back. Decide to take some steps and do something that may be out of your comfort zone and get out of that house. You may have to go to different places to find people with the characteristics that you’re looking for.
4. Do something that stretches you while you wait. Save your money and go abroad, take a class at a community college, join a gym, take cooking classes, start a business and become a girl Boss! Let’s GO You can do this! No excuses, not your age, size, work schedule, lack of money. No excuses. Find something and do it. Commit to make dinner for someone once a month and invite people over. Just do something.
5. Take another look at those in the “friend zone.” You did not think I was going to forget about that did you?! Just consider it. Pray on it and see what unfolds.
Dr. Angela ~ Offering Hope and Encouragement for Your Journey